Dear Bernat….


Dear Bernat,

Long have I wondered about our relationship, and it is this conclusion I come to….

Its not me, its so totally all you.

What is it, Bernat, that you have against a center pull skein? What exactly is so terrible about me pulling your yarn from the middle, that you must hide the end of the yarn so deep inside the center of the skein that I begin to feel like a yarny gynecologist?

Why, after finding the hidden secret end within, am I then rewarded with a hundred tangled snarls as I am forced to rewind your yarn on my ball winder?

Dearest Bernat, please understand that I only wish to know why you seem to make our relationship so difficult.

Did I not choose you over that overpriced flashy Lion Brand right across the aisle?
Did I not crave your softness over that Caron yarn a little ways down?
Have I not expressed my loyalty to you, time and time again, when that trollopy Red Heart tried to lure my eye away from you?

And yet, how do you repay me?
Tangles
Knots
Slubs
and Dye lots. Why Bernat?!………………………….Why Dye lots? You’re acrylic!

Is it because I’m married? Is it because I’m having his baby? Is it because you finally found out about my yarn farming exploits?

What is it Bernat? What? Why no center pull skeins?! Tell me, I only want to make this work.

Love,
Stephieface

EditedToAdd (the next day when I wasn’t sleepy): Honestly, I do love Bernat yarn. I love the way it feels, the colors, and the skein size is nothing to scoff at. If I have to buy acrylic, I’m most likely buying Bernat.
However, the center pull skein thing drives me nuts. I’ve never really liked pulling from the outside of a skein- mainly because as a couch knitter this sends the skein rolling off my lap onto the floor. Not usually a big problem, but now that I am 5 months pregnant… the couch and I are becoming a production when it comes to seperating. Only center pull skeins for me until this kiddo hits college.
The second reason I felt the desire to have a little heart to heart with Bernat is that the last 7 skeins I have purchased have all given me this trouble (that would be 1 Softee Chunky in Pink, 2 Softee Chunky in Black, 2 Softee Baby in Pale Blue, and 2 Softee Baby in Baby Denim Marl [how’s that for a color name?]). Again, this wouldn’t usually be a big problem, however the downside being when I rewind from the outside of the skein on the ball winder…. the skein begins to jump around like a newly caught fish. I’ve had to resort to using two laundry baskets, like some weird yarn martini shaker, to house the skein as it flops and jumps around during rewinding. My kids love it by the way, they giggle with maniacal glee watching the skein flop about inside its martiniesque cage… this makes me wonder if I have to watch them when they are older.

I’ve noticed in the comments that Zeeppo has a thing about minivans and hummers- and that’s totally cool, we’re all allowed our own opinions and stuff. I agree with you on Hummers, as there is no real reason why people must choosingly and recreationally drive a military vehicle other than the apparent “toughness” look it gives. I will also say that I think those families with only one or two children don’t really need a minivan- having a minivan is not a requirement to be a parent (heck, my mother only recently got a minvan to sherpa about her Virginia based grandkids [soon to be 4 of them, 3 currently]…. my sister and I growing up had to make due with one backseat for the two of us… I know, the nerve- right? ;p ). I do think that once your family has breached a certain number of dependents, its better overall to take them from one place to another in a vehicle that can safely transport them all at once- rather than making trips or the other alternative of using multiple vehicles. I can also assure you that the new minivan is, by far, better for my grandkids’ future than our old 93 Buick which leaked gas and oil and was a bit dodgy when it came to that whole “emissions thing”.
If I could afford a hybrid minivan that ran on fry cooker grease (there is a VW bus that is experimented on and rebuilt to run on fry cooker grease… any fast food joint has to get rid of the grease anyways, and the by product of driving a fry cooker grease car? Super environmentally safe exhaust that smells of french fries) or water- I totally would. As it stands, they don’t make hybrid minivans to my knowledge and hybrid vehicles of any type cannot be currently purchased for less than $5000. When I can purchase one for less than $5000, you better believe I’m getting one (by then they’ll probably have vehicles that run on thoughts or something, so I’ll still be behind).

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5 Comments

  1. Sachi said,

    March 4, 2007 at 3:01 am

    Oh, yes. The yarn-puke problem.

    I’ve just given up on center-pull skeins and wind it all up anyhow. I’m sort of into pulling from the outside of the ball these days.

  2. pins&needles said,

    March 5, 2007 at 11:14 am

    oh, the yarn problems we knitters deal with.

    I agree with you on the Hummers. Why would anyone drive those things? I mean, aren’t SUVs big enough for those people? There is no use to driving those huge vehicles unless if you have boulders and dirt roads in the middle of the city. People have to know that the vehicle size don’t add inches to your penis.

  3. ~Donna~ said,

    March 5, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    I used a 5 gallon bucket with a book over the top…the cat totally loves when I wind yarn…

  4. Stepherz said,

    March 5, 2007 at 3:06 pm

    Happy Birthday!! I remembered!

  5. sunneshine said,

    March 5, 2007 at 6:52 pm

    Okay this might be a long one, but your post was long, too.

    On your letter to Bernat – I don’t use acrylic, but the cottons are the same in every respect. So I let them off for the dye lot, but otherwise, I would buy their cottons so much more often if they were easier to use. Is it such a sin to not want to spend the time rewinding!! (Although, I am going to have to try your laundry basket trick – as it is, the yarn usually winds its self around the chairs at the table while I am winding)

    The to the Hummer/MiniVan Hybrid thing. Congrats on your new purchase! The car companies will come out with larger hybrids, but one of the problems that hybrids have right now, is that their battery wears out and they are like $7000 to replace – so everything that you saved on gas is spent in one lump on a new battery. This is going to make hybrids expensive to re-sell, or hard to re-sell to anyone who does any homework on their cars if the battery has not been replaced. Therefore, enjoy your minivan with happy healthy children not strapped to the top and do something else to make up for the emissions, like recycle, use low energy light bulbs, or farm yarn so it doesn’t go to waste.

    Sorry its so long, but I warned ya!


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