Last night, I went late night shopping at Walmart. I own one bra that isn’t a maternity/breastfeeding bra so I thought it was about time to get another. Shopping for said bra was when I discovered the conspiracy by the IBTC….. The Itty Bitty Titty Committee. Now here I have included a schematic of the bra section and my path through it….
Now I will include the places where they had bras in my size. The X’s that are red are ones that are my size and not a Cross My Heart or Just my Size bra… the CMH and the JMS bras will be marked in purple……
Now to understand just what exactly the issue is……How many x’s do you see in the ENTIRE bra section? Last night I discovered that Walmart’s bra section is 90% IBTC friendly and 10% Big Busty Gals friendly…. surely there is a conspiracy underfoot. Don’t believe me? The proof! (by the way the Genetically Altered Persons Store [GAP] is the very same way except their sizes do not go above 38C).
1. If there was a cute print, lacey, inexpensive bra (inexpensive here meaning under $10) the biggest size available was a 34C….. UNLESS it was an ugly grandma bra then I could find like 10 or so naturally if I wanted to wear a bra with a billion hooks in back and 17 in wide shoulder straps.
2. All BBG bras were hidden in the backs of rows like braligical pariahs in tiny numbers of 1-3. If the style of bra had 2-5 colors available (for example white, black, tan, pink, and blue)only one color would have one sad BBG bra… the rest were devoted to perky and small 36Bs and 32AAs.
3. If you wear a BBG sized bra (38D-40C and above) you will pay on average 3 dollars more than the IBTC bras because the cheap cute bras are not in your size and not available to you.
4. Just My Size, Cross My Heart, and Queen Latifah’s Curvations have BBG sizes….BUT the JMS/CMH bras can cost about $20+… and as someone who think that Vicky Secrets prices are insane for just thongs…. this is still too much. QLC were not as expensive, but were more than I was willing to spend last night and was only half a teensy weensy end cap (end of aisle display) which is like 8 or so hooks. Good luck finding your size if there are other women who wear it.
5. Now… the weather right now is… as we say…. getting warm so pretty soon people will be blasting their ACs. I don’t know why people insist on setting their ACs on artic frost… but when they do there is nothing finer than the classic “Hot Outside, Cold AC Inside” high beam. High beam is defined as sticky outty nips…. nubs…. buttons…. and of course “hey, I’m pointing North”. So to avoid this I like to buy the… for lack of a better term… push up bras since they have padding that will quash and hide the above phenomenon. Good Luck finding one…. apparently women who must eternally defy Mean Mr Gravity have no need for bras that push up. We apparently only require bras that allow you to hang low.
Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder
And can they touch your toes?
Do your boobs… hang… low?
Apparently BBGs like high beaming…. because the answer “No its just cold in here” will totally be believed by guys.
6. If hanging low isn’t torture enough… 90% of the BBG bras have underwire. I hate underwire… I think it is the devil. I think its secretly doing this to me:1A: its seperating parts of my boob down into my ribcage so I have rib rolls…. which is dead sexy if you ask me
1B: it has razor blades at the top of the curve located in my arm pit so it can slash me and poke me constantly when I least expect it. That’s when its not making ominous creaking noises as I move.
I did finally find a bra I could wear after 45 minutes of searching the backwoods of the bra section… I think I left there with a machete and unknown yet to be discovered bug bites.
God Damn you IBTC…. I WILL get my revenge.