Stephieface

Over at Crazy Aunt Purl’s, she discusses her evil nemesis…. the Ice Cream Truck.
Her commentors are talking all manner of ice cream horror stories from being endlessly tortured by the “HEL- Lo” track in between the songs… to (of course) all the stories of the ice cream men who not only dollop out generous helpings of frozen dairy but dime bags of drugs as well. What most of the comments are about is the song that their particular ice cream man plays.

Now, the ice cream man in my neighborhood is somewhat unreliable… sometimes he comes, sometimes not so I can’t really comment on him.

The ice cream man in my Mother In Law’s neighborhood…… well, let’s just say…. no let’s not say. Just know that there is a special place in hell reserved for ice cream men of his caliber. On an average day he will drive down my MIL’s street …… FIVE times….. oh yes, you read that correctly- five times. Just as you think you may have escaped having to buy his overpriced dairy treats the first two times he zipped through through the neighborhood…. here he comes for times 3, 4 and 5. He truly is an evil man.

His truck plays “Do Your Ears Hang Low?”
Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier? (optional lyrics from Sesame Street… and can they touch your toes?)
Do your ears hang low?

Which another commentor has stated is the very same song as Turkey in the Straw.

So, I’ve included a link to a video of both songs…. is she right?
Now my personal opinion, while similar I think they are two different songs… or at least one is a whole song and the other is a whole song made from just the first part of the original song.

What do you think? Are they the same song? Are they different? Is it like the Twinkle Twinkle Little Star / ABC’s song that they are so similar they sound like the same song? Opinions?

Ever since I first started growing boobs, I’ve learned the hard way that Gravity is not necessarily my friend. A couple of days ago I learned that Gravity has it out for me.

Like… seriously out for me.

A couple of days ago I fell and I fell hard. This is important because I’m still pregnant… I’m also dialated, effacing, and I lost my mucus plug last weekend (eeeeew, pregnancy can be just so…. gross). Now waddling has become painful as I loom ever closer to becoming the giant rolly blueberry I envision my future to behold.

By the way, Oompa Loompa doulas are impossible to find- just so you know.

Back on track, I fell while getting into the shower and landed right on the ole’ baby maker. If I were a guy I’m sure I’d be a soprano right about now. I called the docs and they told me that all should be fine and to just take some Tylenol.

Last I checked, Tylenol doesn’t make you impervious to Gravity’s effects- which is, afterall, my actual problem.

I fell with Sam (a couple times, that kid send me down the steps at least 3 times), and I fell with TJ (once really bad where I ended up seperating my pelvic bone [or something or other] so that he was chilling in pelvis being all heavy and whatnot far sooner than he should have been). After I made it to 37 weeks with Beans without falling once, I thought to myself, ‘Self, this really is a complete opposite pregnancy for you- you haven’t fallen once’.

Its at this point that I realize that I should stop talking to myself, because I end up cursing myself somehow or another. You hear that, Self? I’m not talking to you anymore.

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I decided to answer a comment from the last post.

Fyberduck said:
Happy Anniversary! Cool Mister for getting spiffy gift. But you didn’t tell us what you got him? Or is Beans your gift? ;D

Mister got a wonderful day of peace and quiet filled with WoW playing and one of his favorite meals. At the rate this pregnancy is going I think Beans will end up being his birthday present (July 18) or maybe Christmas… and babies are kind of hard to regift- so I think I’ll wait on getting him Beans for a bit more now.

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Last night the Mister and I had a treat, ice cream. We don’t get ice cream often, since it usually gets snarffled down in a matter of minutes and one of us is usually denied the pleasure of such a sweet.
But really, how could I pass this up?
Stephen Colbert Ice Cream. Its really really good by the way, even if a spoonful is a bajillionty calories.

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ETA: I forced the Sam Monkey to check the mail today, and saw that these new stitch markers arrived. They were bought on our anniversary for the birth of Beans….. the irony that the stitch markers ordered earlier this week came before the baby is not lost on me….

Still here…. still pregnant….. I’m starting to feel like Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka…..I did think of today’s silver lining though, which is… when I do eventually go into labor I can just be rolled out to the car rather than having to bother with that whole walking thing. How I long for duola trained Oompa Loompas, you could do your lamaze breathing to their little ditty.

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Sunday was cool- it was the Mister’s and my wedding anniversary. It was pretty laid back and relaxed. We had all the kiddos with us, so we lounged around and watched movies. Here I was all excited because it was the Leather Anniversary.

The Mister got me perfume oil from Bathing In Luxury… which is a store I LOVE…. in the Exotic Spicy Fig scent. Mmmmmmm I loves Exotic Spicy Fig, its natural and nice without smelling like a hippy. I’ve bought several things from this store in the past, and I love everything I have ever got there. She even sends free soap “sniffers” (samples) with every single order. This time I got “Pumpkin Pie”, “Mint”, and “Back Away From My Coffee”. I keep the samples in my diaper bag because you never know when you’ll need emergency soap.

By the way, her Chai Tea Lip Balm is also to die for, just saying.

Yeah, yeah….

You’re probably tired of hearing (err….. reading about) me hating on waiting for the baby to come. The Mister has already cut me off of whining priveleges stating that I have overwhined my welcome- enough is enough, yes- we are all well aware that you are pregnant and uncomfortable.

(we’ll overlook for the moment that Misters in general are even whinier and bigger babies when they catch simple colds….. nevertheless….)

Right now I kind of feel like this:Except, you know, more grumpy and pissed off.
I had the other Flying Diaperinis late late later into summer, if not in autumn altogether- so this preparing to pop at any given moment in 90* weather thing is new to me….. especially since the landlord has declared this an AC free zone (unless we want to pay more per AC unit per month)- it would be too cruel…… even for me….. to post a pic of an ACless pregnant lady about to pop- it is most definately not a pretty sight. Imagine that whale up there (with a frizzy auburn bun), sitting on a couch, and sweating…. and you’re getting close.
Yeah….. that’s about right.

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I’m working on another star blanket for the Beanster, this one is taking decidedly longer- but I have at least one made so that’s good enough.

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Is it bad that I want to fake labor so I can be in the hospital’s AC for a few hours?

Over at Stepherz, she posted up about before she was a mommy…. I loved her post and decided to do one as well. If you are a mommy, go ahead and post one up too!

Before I was a mommy, I never carried a purse if I could help it. I had a chain wallet and jean/hoodie pockets that contained whatever I needed in life. Now I carry a purse, a purse so huge I could heft one of my children around in it, and its filled with things like diapers, wipies, my wallet, tissues, knitting, a book, small projectile evil toys, and snacks. You know, essential survival supplies.

Before I was a mommy, I just picked up whenever I felt like it and headed off to exotic locales like Niagara Falls or Ohio. Now, just going to the store requires planning that would make a travel agent blush… that’s not even counting if I have to go by bus.

Before I was a mommy, I would have probably died if I got someone else’s bodily fluids on me (like pee, snot, puke). After becoming a mommy, it became part of the job- along with eventually being able to dodge pee streams when changing diapers, and knowing “the look” that comes before a big puke of koolaid and Cheerios.

Before I was a mommy, I never ever knew of the wonders of the wipies. Stepherz is right, they can clean anything. I was able to get permanent marker off of walls (and kids) with them.

Before I was a mommy I would have never left my house without a matched up just so outfit, my hair done, a shower… or “ready” in other words. These days I’m lucky if I can manage one of these things before going out…. I’m buying a powerball ticket if I manage two.

Before I was a mommy I had a clean house with no clutter. Now its a daily occurance for me to step on legos or a hidden car.

Before I was a mommy I had no experience with plumbing. Now I can fix a leak and rescue a flushed away GI Joe with no problems.

Before I was a mommy I had no idea what this whole mommying thing really was. Now I realize its one of the hardest jobs a woman can have, and the bestest.

So, today was the 36 week OB appointment I mentioned I was dreading. I wasn’t so much afraid of the test they were going to conduct today (the Strep B test….. it involves [duh duh duh dummmmmm] a very large q-tip …..ahem) as much as I was afraid of being told I had elephantitus of the pregnancy.

What? You’ve never heard of elephantitus of the pregnancy?

Elephantitus of the Pregnancy is when, at 36 weeks, I go in and they tell me that I have still have 68 weeks of pregnancy left. (btw- click that link only if you can stand watching TLC’s baby story or Nature Shows- OR- a tangy mix of the two)

This is typically the point in the pregnancy when I start carefully monitoring my caregivers’ (midwives, docs, nurses) fingers. Because there is nothing more defeating than being told by a skinny finger doctor that you are 4 cm dialated and then told by a fat finger doc a few hours later that you are only 1 cm dialated.

So the good news is, I’m 50% effaced and almost 2 cm dialated. I told this to the Mister and he asked, “So what does that mean?”.

It actually means nothing.

I could go a few hours to a few more weeks. What makes it good news is that it means I don’t have another year and a half of pregnancy to go…. which is, afterall, my greatest fear….. being pregnant forever.

So, thank you for all your kind words and encouragement. Once the frustration of being pregnant sets in… its hard to shake. I have now moved on to hoping that Beans comes on one of three days… either Father’s Day, my Anniversary, or the Mister’s Birthday… that way I can totally claim that he got an awesome gift and I won’t need to buy him one.

By the by, the Mister and I were reminiscing this morning- and remembering my other pregnancies. The topic of his Uncle M came up, where when pregnant with Sam (a week and a half overdue) his Uncle M trapped me in the corner and asked me every five minutes if I popped yet.

“Haven’t you had that baby yet?”
“Clearly…. no”

“Ain’t you popped yet?”
poking my belly “Nope, I seem to be quite resilient.”

“You havin’ that baby yet?”
“Hmmm, well my legs aren’t up on the dining table and I’m not screaming for hot water and clean towels – or a piece of leather to bite down on… so I’m going to go with ‘No’. “

So, just as a public service announcement to my fellow humans….. if you are speaking with a pregnant woman and she looks like this:She’s preparing to charge and you should make a hasty retreat somewhere up a tree very soonishly.

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In knitting news, I decided to try out a pattern and see how it turns out. I’ve been coveting this baby blanket on Craftster (for Beans) for a while now- but I don’t really crochet. I can crochet, its just not my thing…. not dangerous enough I guess (only one stick, working with a max of three live stitches at a time) and I wonder where my kids get their daring do from.

I really wanted a star blanket for the Beanster though, so I found this pattern at Moda Dea for a knit star pillow. The pattern has you knitting small diamonds that are sewn together later to make the star. I’m only knitting 5 of the 10 required stars, and then when I get them all knitted up and sewn together I plan to crochet a little edge on it possibly to keep the stockinette from rolling.

It’s a fast little knit so far, for those of you wondering, I started last night around 8:30 (after putting the Flying Diaperinis to bed) and by 11 I had 2 and a half diamonds done….. AND that’s with me going slow and taking alot of breaks because my wrist was going numb (don’t worry kids, its pregnancy carpal tunnel that will all go away when the Beanster arrives- especially since it only just started.). So if you need a super quick baby gift (like -oh- say the day of the party) you can totally bang one of these out provided you start in the morning. Its the perfect size for a carrier blanket, one that only needs to be big enough to cover baby in his car seat, or if you wanted you could extend each diamond to be bigger by just knitting more rows. Its awesome TV/DVD knitting if nothing else because its so simple and quick. OR, if you are one of those charity knitter types, this pattern could work out well since its not a standard big ole boring square and its super portable since you’re knitting the individual smaller diamonds then sewing them together later…… much akin to the Purple Duckie Dishcloth Blanket of Doom.

I’m actually looking forward to working on it tonight.

ETA: So I finished the blankie last night. Took slightly longer than night before, but that was with me having to constantly chase the Flying Diaperinis back upstairs and whatnot. Here it is:Made in Peaches & Cream cotton from one of their 1lb cones- I don’t really recall what the colorway name was, having long ago disposed of the coneband. From center to point tip its 13inches, from center to that little valley edge between the two points its 7.5 inches. The edge is single crocheted all the way around to keep it from rolling. It turned out a cute little size for a blankie (and freaking huge if I knit it as the pattern intended for a pillow). I didn’t make the diamonds any bigger than the pattern called for because I really didn’t feel like it. The pattern calls for “bulky” yarn (it uses a moda dea ribbon yarn) and P&C I used is really more of a worsted yarn- so it turned out more open/lacey than pictured in the pattern. That’s cool though since its supposed to be a summer blankey for a summer baby.

The only fiddley part was the center because you have to drawstring that closed kinda. Other than that, I’ll probably make a couple more.

Its kind of weird lately, I feel this nagging sensation for not writing. How low have I sunk to self nag? Mainly its because I don’t have too much to talk about save for baby madness and I know I promised I would try to keep that to a minimum (unless of course I have kntting content- which I don’t).
So, its more baby stuff for you.

I’ve reached a point in the pregnancy where I get frustrated at the drop of a hat. Beans has dropped, causing all of my pants to now fit like crap. Let’s overlook for a moment that I have an option of two types of fit at the moment….. super baggy and sausage…. I just can’t stand that my capris are ankle pants. I would get beat up in highschool for wearing pants at this length. Now on to fit, most of my pants (due to where Beans is sitting) aren’t falling where they should and it feels like I’m walking through water everywhere I walk. Add to this the need to complete errands and you have a mighty frustrated Stephieface on your hands.

For example, I had to sumbit some forms yesterday. I reach the place after walking there dragging the Flying Diaperinis in the heat while wearing a pair of walking in water pants…. only to be told that they revised the forms that I needed to submit and the ones I had were no longer valid for 60 days (as it says on the form) but only for 45 so….. even though it says on the form that they are valid- they now aren’t and I have to go back to the doctor’s office and get new ones all refilled out, then come back when I have that done.
I actually burst into tears right there.
A total uncomfortable pregnant woman sob uncontrollably bursting into tears situation. It didn’t remedy my situation in any case because the stoic desk girl was unmoved by my frantic crazy pregnant woman tears. I then had to walk back home, dragging the FDs in my walking through water pants- in the heat, now with mild contractions.

I’m afraid to go to my OB/GYN appointment this Friday. Not because I know that I have to shave my legs for the test they are going to do……. but because I am certain that they’ll tell me I’m not effaced at all, not dialated a damn bit, and oh looky it appears that I’ll have to suck up a three extra weeks after my due date… well, just because.

However, there is a silver lining…. the Mister and I have pretty much settled on a name for Beans…. I’m just debating if I should run a contest with it or not.

Thursday found me in dire need of a few errands, most involving going to Southside Pittsburgh which is not that far from my house- I could walk there if I wanted (or waddle as the current case may be). So, the Flying Diaperinis and I headed out.

The thing about going to Southside is that something odd is going to happen to me. Whether its being alerted to the fact that I have boobs, or discovering the secret sect of Southside carnies two houses down from the laundromat, I have yet to go there and not have odd things happen (which is totally half the reason why I live on the hill overlooking it in the first place). This time it was………

The Diviners.

Don’t know who the Diviners are? If you are pregnant, or have ever been pregnant, you will totally know who the Diviners are. They are the random strangers who divinate about your pregnancy (randomly) while you waddle about town. Usually you get one, maybe two (if its a full moon) per trip out once you start showing – usually its the same people who will reach for your belly and rub you like a bhudda statue. They will do all sorts of things like make claims as to what the sex of your baby is, to when you’ll finally go into labor.

Thursday found me accosted by not one…. not two….. but 7 Diviners, all of whom said the same thing- that they universally believe that I am carrying twins.

Oh, and that the Mister must hate me to knock me up when I’d have to waddle through Summer.

In any case, 7 complete strangers, in 7 completely different locales all made mention that I must be carrying twins. Weird, the Spleen Twin Theory returns (where Beans has a twin hiding behnd my spleen). Additional Diviner theories include:

• I will give birth on the next full moon (you know, because babies are like werewolves)
• I will give birth on my anniversary which is the 24th this month (because I have alot of stuff going on that weekend and wouldn’t it just figure)
• I will give birth to a baby with a head chock full of hair
• I will give birth to a baby who is completely bald
• My baby will be the Baby That Ate Pittsburgh at a whopping 13lbs because if its not two babies in there……… that is one REALLY huge single baby
• Wow I am carrying low
• Wow I am carrying high
• And my personal favorite…………….. I am going to give birth to twin girls

One Diviner lady mentioned that I was carrying very low, which I feel like I am. I feel like there is a giant weight pushng down on my belly, this is in addition to the weird feelings that Beans makes in there. Trying to describe the feelings of what baby does in there near the end of a pregnancy to people who haven’t (or never will) been pregnant is tough. There’s

• The Pinchies- where it feels like the baby is literally pinching at the plug keeping him in there
• The Scratchies- where it feel like the baby is trying to scratch his way out of the womb (via that plug again) like he was digging a path to China
• The Leggies- where it feels like baby is either a) trying to swim down from your stomach into your legs or b) trying to wear your legs like pants
• The Sci Fi movie- where baby braces against something (your pelvic bone, ribs, spine) and pushes as hard as he can forward to that he stretches out your belly like the gutbuster from Aliens or one of those scenes in TV ghost/spook shows where you see the face of the tormented writhing beneath the wallpaper….. except that its a hand or a foot and not a face groaning
• And my absoloute favorite…. the Moon- where baby basically does the same thing as a Sci Fi, but instead of hands or feet you get… well…. mooned

There are even times when it feels like you’ll look down and see baby’s hand waving at you from down below. My theory is, if he’s going to do that… the least he could is earn his keep around here, like helping me fold the laundry or holding my hair tie as I brush my hair back. Its only fair.

Its always a little fun and scary to reveal a guilty pleasure, because most guilty pleasures are kept hidden deep away like terrifying secrets. Really though, I haven’t heard of anyone dying from the shame of a guilty pleasure….. that would make for an awkward funeral, wouldn’t it?

Personally I have a few guilty pleasures that I cycle through so that I don’t get bored with them. I cycle through them like other knitters cycle through WorksInProgress in their knitting baskets. What made me think of this is my mack daddiest of all guilty pleasures, one I have had for a serious amount of time… 15 years or so………

My most serious of all guilty pleasures……………………………………………………
The music of Bryan Adams
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Oh yeah- totally that Bryan Adams…… Summer of 69 Bryan Adams…… Heaven Bryan Adams……… Everything I Do I Do It For You Bryan Adams……………..My favoritest Canadian Crooner of all time, Bryan Adams.

Whenever I hear a Bryan Adams’ song is makes me overwhelmingly happy… even that compilation he did with Sting and Rod Stewart for the Disney Three Musketeers movie….. and even that song he did for the Johnny Depp Don Juan DeMarco movie. Bryan Adams can write a mean love song, a quality I really like in a man (it comes fourth to eyes, ass, and abs…).

So, if you’re feeling adventurously peekabooish…… reveal your biggest most secret Guilty Pleasure.

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On the baby front…. Just a few more weeks and counting.
Some good signs…. I’m having contractions off and on, nothing regular so far. I’m really sore and crampy all the time. This is the first pregnancy that my feet have finally swelled to proportions that I can only liken to the Aunt from the 3rd or so Harry Potter flick who blows up and flies away in the beginning of the movie. I’m barely getting any sleep at night because of these contractions- AND- I think I’ve offically run out of places that I can get stretch marks……. that’s like the pregnancy equivalent of the Perdue Turkey Timer Thingy right?
Here are some pics of how it looks for me right now….. really not bikini worthy if I do say so myself. Its bare baby belly, stretch marks and all, so prepare to have this be your summer scary movie or whatever….

And here we have me on Mother’s Day:And here we have me today:I like to imagine that there is some change or at least that the baby has dropped… but no matter how long I look at these pics they look the same to me- like I just changed shirts or something. well, I might be bigger in the second pic….. they’re pretty much the same position considering I can’t stretch my PRex arms any more than that.
I will say this…..

I miss my belly button.