Stephieface

I have probably the worst luck ever. I’ve said this before, and its actually true. I’ve totally come to terms with it, but there are times when it surprises me… which pisses me off. Surprising bad luck… is a bad thing.

Sunday is laundry day. I load up the car, head on down to the laundromat, and do the laundry for an hour or two depending on how much we have. Its a nice little break from the house and the kids. I sit and read (or knit) while the laundry washes and dries away, all the while listening to my Sansa.
I listen to my Sansa not only because I like music, but it makes it one step harder to talk to to me. You see… I am a freak magnet… if there is a freak (be that freak on a bus, on the street, in a restaurant, whatever) it is like they are equipped with freaking Stephieface radar. You can see them scan the room, and then their eyes settle on me, to which they immediately come over to me and procede to scare the heebie jeebies out of me with their conversations and/or antics. Past examples of freak antics:
-Bus ride from North Carolina to Pittsburgh… guy boards at DC… he is wearing a smart black and white houndstooth cropped jacket and matching skirt… not a kilt…. SKIRT… looking like quite the gutter replica clone of Iggy Pop. There are many seats available, but as he is a freak his radar identifies to him where I am sitting and he takes up the space next to me. I don headphones and start reading a book as the bus starts the trip. I get a weird creepy feeling and look out the window (now… I know that you’re thinking at this point in the story I will talk about something looking back at me hanging on to the side of the bus like the creature on the airplane wing of that one 80’s movie aren’t you?) but its dark outside and I see nothing and I go to return to my book… yet something grabs my attention and I look back up to see the Iggy Pop’s clone’s reflection of him staring at me and trying to look down my shirt! So I whip my head around and he hurries and looks elsewhere… if he could have done the whole “whistling to show my inncocence” thing I’m sure he would have. So I return skeptically back to my book. Now, know that I am a horrible carcaleptic and cannot stop myself from sleeping in a moving vehicle… so against my better judgement my body conked out on me and started sleeping. It was a little bit later that my extreme feeling of creepiness awoke me… startled to find Iggy Pop’s clone petting my hair! Millions of scenerios began to fill my head, the scariest of which was the thought that if should I fall asleep again I would wake up to find myself at the bottom of a deep hole with Iggy Pop’s clone saying “It puts the lotion on it’s skin or else it gets the hose again” above me. Not wanting to become part of a woman skin suit I yell at him for touching me and plot my future living in a Breezewood gas station. The bus stops at Breezewood and everyone disembarks for potty breaks and food. I hurry off to pee and get back on… pondering if I can successfully hide in the bathroom for the rest of the trip or if I can mingle amongst the baggage until I get to Pittsburgh. Then this other passenger gets back on the bus, he says to me “Hey, you’re the one sharing a seat with the weirdo drag queen right?” and I nod my head. He says, “Hey, my seat partner smells like shit… not like just “bad” shit… but like actual fecal shit… how about you come sit with me and we’ll force the freaks to sit together?” Let me tell you I jumped on that deal faster than sailor on shore leave. So I move on over and my savior offers me some of his KFC…. which was at that moment the best god damned KFC I have ever eaten in my life. So the other passengers filter on, and Iggy Pop’s clone gets back on the bus. When he sees where I am sitting he stands and stares at me angrily, even failing to shift when the other people wanting to get back on the bus yell at him to move. Finally the bus driver forces him to move to allow everyone to get back on so he can get back on the road. KFC Guy’s seat partner gets on and sees that I am in his seat, shrugs drunkenly and sits next to Iggy Pop’s clone. The bus starts and we are on our way. All the way to Pittsburgh, Iggy Pop’s clone stares angrily at me like I was some cheating ex girlfriend… he does it so much that KFC guy starts shifting in his seat to block the clone’s view of me- smiling conspiratorily with me. We reach Pittsburgh and everyone starts filtering off the bus. KFC guy thanks me for being a nice non shit smelling seat partner. I thank KFC guy for saving me from Iggy Pop’s Buffalo Bill clone. We laugh and shake hands. The disembark line is coming up to our turn and KFC guy stands and lets me off first, then blocks the walkway by slowly getting down his bag from the overhead trapping the clone on the bus while I make my getaway. I smile back at the KFC guy (who’s name I never knew) and dip off the bus while Iggy Pop’s clone tried physically pushing KFC out of the way to follow me. I grab my luggage from the pile and tear off inside the station. I meet up with my friend who was there to pick me up, and I drag him to the parking lot all the while telling him of my perilous adventure- looking over my shoulder to see if Iggy Pop’s clone is following to make a girl suit from me.
- I got dry humped by a mentally retarded midget while he sang me songs of how much he wanted to *f* me all night long. It was so terrible and uncomfortable that a samaritan college student had to get involved claiming he was my boyfriend and started yelling at the young man’s escort for allowing him to procede as such. I stand outside, flabbergasted at my luck in life.

Here I realize just how far I have digressed from the original intent of this post….

So, with these examples of past experiences in mind, know that I listen to my Sansa so I don’t have to converse with people. Sometimes, I put it in my back pocket as I switch the laundry from washer to dryer. I don’t use the handy dandy arm sling cozy it comes with because in my neighborhood that gets you jacked and mugged for it. Anything that requires its own cozy is worth stealing. Its in my back pocket… I forget about it back there. Next day I put those same pants on to go outside and check the mail. I check the mail and come back inside and go to the bathroom to pee. I do my business without issue… until I go to pull my pants up… for when I do my Sansa pops out of my back pocket and into the toilet bowl. I wait a second (the second where you debate if shoving your hand in your own urine is worth whatever you dropped in there) and I retrieve it. I clean it off as best I can and wrap it in an old washcloth… I then wash my hands continuously for the next five minutes. Today, I try turning it on and it fails to turn on…. hence the feeling of overwhelming bad luck which forced me to start this post in the first place. It may still be a little wet in there (eeeeew) so I’ll give it another day or two to dry out…. fingers crossed- after I wash them of course.

In other news, I thought I’d post this super useful info because I check these sites all the time to find out when they update… to save you this trouble… here you go:

Knitty’s New Issue Going Live Schedule:
This is what it says on their site…..Summer, June…. Fall, September…. Winter, December…. Spring, March… Spring
ETA: Stephanie from here adds:
“…knitty publishes in september, december, april, and july. or whenever whazername gets around to it…”

Magknits…. well they claim on their schedule that they will have a new issue every month.. so there you go

The Anticraft New Issue Going Live Schedule:
May1…. Aug1…. Nov1….Feb1

Other Useful info…. if you ever have to, the Amazon.com customer service line is cool. You go through a link on their site, give your info, and they call you. I had a problem with a order and they called me 2 minutes after I hit the “submit” button on their site. No waiting on hold listening to bad music… it was cool. The problem I had btw… I had three accounts all with the same email addy so I wasn’t getting the access I needed for my request… be uber careful when ordering…. you too could create multiple accounts as it apparently happens all the time.

There you go… I’m off to wash my hands……. again…… Out Damned Spot!

Totally forgot to add…..
See, Mr Stephieface likes political stuff. He frequently has political debates with our very liberal friend Ben, and they can be quite entertaining to say in the least. For, in one part our very liberal friend Ben quotes the Daily Show and TZT as valid sources for political information. Now mind you, I’m in love with Jon Stewart as much as the next gal (he is just so darned cute and funny) but as he himself has stated in the past about his own show as… “Its a comedy show!”. Comedy shows should not be your entire source of information… yet once again I digress….
So last night Mr Stephieface calls me into the computer room and says he has something to show me. There is a guy running for Congressional office in North Carolina named Vernon Robinson who has been getting alot of attention for his ad campaigns. This is a guy who you either love or hate… there is no fence riding on this guy. Whether or not you agree with his platform, you have to admit that his outright declaration of what he thinks is refreshing. He isn’t pandering for your vote, saying what he can to please you for right now until you vote him in. He’s telling you what he thinks, and what he believes, and how he’ll vote with no nonense… knowing full well that his ad campaign may or may not piss you the hell off. What is entertaining is the amount of support (monetary and otherwise) he is getting from outside of his state. So regardless of if you hate him or love him….. you gotta give the guy mad credit for making an impression. And just so you know, his campaigns are for real…. I had thought that they were made up parodies…. but nope they are the real deal.

I signed up for the Craftster “Pimp My Craftster User Name” Swap where someone crafts crazy awesome stuff with your Craftster User Name…. whew. Stalking your partner was mentioned and quite possibly should be encouraged… and well I have posted TONS on Craftster so I thought I would save my partner some time (and future partners as well!)

Thanks goes to Bambikhantastic for posting the questions on her blog, and I totally decided to use her idea. So here goes:

Birthdate: 3/5/1976 so that makes me a 30 year old Piscies born in the year of the dragon… oh yeah. Fish dragon…sweet… or not… depending how you cook em.
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Work: Stay At Home Servant…. er….Mom

Activities:
Knitting and sewing. Hanging out with my kids. Reading and rereading ALOT of Terry Pratchett Discworld novels. I listen to alot of punk covers… like “Over The Rainbow” and “My Boyfriend’s Back” type punk covers. I have no idea why, I just do. I listen to groups like the Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly, Mest, Goldfinger, MXPX, Me first and the Gimmee Gimmees, etc. I mom…… alot… in fact that is my job. I can paint fairly well, and crochet a bit too… I do a little bit of everything.

Pets:
1 year old TJ, who can growl in a scary unnatural way
3 year old Sam, who can climb anything with his monkey toes and monkey toe callouses
9 year old Zach, who is my stepson and doesn’t live with us full time
30 year old Mr. Stephieface/Conley (Chris who is soon to be 31)

Crafts I can do with a fair amount of confidence:
Sewing, Knitting, Painting, Embroidery
Crafts I can do passably:
Crocheting, some wire wrapping
Crafts I’m Learning:
Baking things not meant for my oven (like record bowls and pony bead dishes)
Crafts I would like to learn:
Spinning, Screen Printing/Freezer paper printing

Symbols/Themes
Stuff I dig:
Squirrels, Ninjas, Samurai, Old school tattoo designs, Celtic knots, Koi, Medieval designs and symbols (like heraldry), Dragons, Four Leaf Clovers, Sheep, and Stars (sounds like a whacked out bowl of Lucky Charms… doesn’t it?)
Stuff I hate:
Frou Frou girly girl pink fluffy ooky frilly pretty pretty princess stuff

Colors: Navy Blue, Forest Green, Maroon, Charcoal Grey, Brown…. earthy colors and blues. Not a huge fan of baby pink, lilac, cream, mint or any other wussified color… I’ll save those colors to wear when I’m old.

Style: This is actually a toughie…. I’d have to say comfortable slacker hippie without the hemp. I wear tshirts and jeans, prefer peasant tops and hoodies, and wear black shoes with kick your head in soles… with rounded toe so I don’t get squishy feet don’t you know. I don’t wear shorts… ever- and don’t wear skirts unless I can’t help it. If it can be torn, ripped, stained or ruin by two kids under 4 I won;t wear it… there’s no point.

Sizing: I agree this is a terrible question. 5′4″ and weight… more than Kate Moss. I am Bustylicious. I look for a large- extra large. shoe size 7.5 US women’s.

Hair:LONG and brownish reddish. By long I mean I just recently got it cut and had 8-9 inches taken off the bottom and it still goes 5 inches or so past by bra strap. I wear it up alot since I have kids and right now its freaking hot. And humid… did I mention humid? I use big monster jaws of life clippies and hair sticks.

Jewelry: I can only wear earrings if they are 14K+ gold…. anything else will infect my ears. I wear necklaces but don’t have many bracelets and rarely wear them in any case. I only wear my wedding rings… so there you go. Now if pins/buttons/brooches count as jewelry I totally dig those.

Supplies:
Non Acrylic yarn
10″ knitting needles
Old Interweave Mags
but mostly….. yarn…. I am a wool pig.

Today is my and Mr Stephieface’s wedding anniversary. Its entertaining to ask us about our marriage if you have us seperately… very a la Wash and Zoe in Firefly:
Her: “We’re Private People”
Him: ” Oh my god, have you ever had sex with a warrior woman?”

Are answers are very rarely the exact same.
For example….

The simplest of questions… How long have you guys been married?
Me: 2 years (which is the actual factual amount of time we have been legally married)
Him: 5 years (which is the actual factual amount of time we have been together)

Who does the most in your relationship:
Me: Me. I clean, cook, take care of the kids, do all the errands, and all the chores
Him: Me. I go to work and do the whole head of household thing

In your relationship, who wears the pants?
Me: Him… but I launder the pants… does that count?
Him: Me

Who hogs the bed?
Me: He does… and pillows too
Him: She does… and covers too

Does She snore at night?
Me: Absoloutely not!
Him: Oh my god, she is so freaking loud it keeps me up all night

Does He snore at night?
Me: Oh my god, he is so freaking loud it keeps me up all night
Him: Absoloutely not.

When was the last time you guys…..”did it”?
Me: It was see [insert date here] I have it marked on the calender
Him: Oh My God! We never do it, ever! I think its been what… 3 years

Of the two of you, who drinks the most pop?
Me: He does, he scarffles it all down at night when he’s playing WoW
Him: She does, she snorffles it all down while I’m work and she’s lounging around all day

What is your personal pet peeve about the other person?
Me: Oh my god…. hmmm… let me think….. Ah… Uhm…….. I guess it would be that you never know when he is joking or being serious, which can be really annoying
Him: Oh My god…. she never makes decisions, ever

What foods does your partner dislike?
Me: He hates meat on a bone, kidney beans, chicken, green beans, pork chops, any non chocolate puffed cereal, muffins or pancakes with anything in it like blueberries or butterscotch chips….
Him: I think she hates mushrooms, and maybe oatmeal

What is your partner’s favorite movie:
Me: Troy… or Kingdom of Heaven… but I think Troy
Him: Princess Bride, Phantom of the Opera, Edward Scissorhands, LoTR, Labyrinth, Dark Crystal, Timeline, Harry Potter…..

So Happy 2:5 Anniversary Honey! Here’s to 50:104 years more!

Here is one of those mini polaroid pics of me and the Mister

Here is my mostest favoritest picture of us ever

Me and the Mister at a Renn Faire watching the joust:

Me and the Mister on our wedding day, Thursday June 24th 2004. Totally dig the shotgun weddingness of it all as I am 7 months pregnant in this photo. Pregnant/J.o.P wedding for the win!

To think, I actually started this blog to write about knitting…..

Psssssshhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaawwwwwww

In any case…. recently I was asked by Severina to check out this site for Punk Rock Knit Girls. So I did check it out, it is awesome and I want to join up, first however I am going to make up a project. I know, I know, I can join and then do the whole project thing….. yet this is how I operate and you just can’t mess with that. Well… I guess you can mess with it… just the results wouldn’t be pretty… and by results I mean me not the project.

Mr Stephieface has decreed that we are going to lose weight. Now, I am not truly rotund and I actually carry my extra weight quite well considering… but it is indeed time to shape up the ship around here sort to say. Though, if he tries banning soda pop again I will kill him, there is just no excuse for that. Its like the last time he declared the whole house diet and I was smoking… he decreed that along with eating and drinking better that we would quit smoking too…. he is quite the lucky man that he escaped as unscathed as he did. I’m just saying… you need at least one vice to make you human.

In yet other news…. Mr Stephieface and My wedding anniversary is this Saturday. So if you would like to buy us yarn for the occasion….. what?…. huh?…. oh no I assure you that Mr Stephieface would totally adore some new yarn in a dark green colorway, or a self striping yarn in green or blue or even a heathered yarn for a nice change of pace… really. DVDs? Oh hardly…. no, yarn will be fine….. really. He’s totally with me on this.

On a last and final note, last week I made sure to wish my father an early Father’s Day…. and I think he may not have even seen it. Granted it was at the bottom of the post, all best things for last and whatnot. So I wanted to say that “Daddy I did not forget you” and “you are by far my favorite male parental unit” and” in your far awayedness the boys partied hardy in your honor” as recreated here:

Loveses you Daddy! <3 (<—- that is supposed to be a heart if you were unawares…you can gush now)

I hereby decree that there shall be a webring for knitting Stephanies… so shall it be!

The Rules For the Knitting Stephanies shall be simple:
1. You must knit… you can also crochet, and embroider, and paint, and all other sorts of artsy craftsy things… but you must knit. We here at the Knitting Stephanies know that Stephanies have many talents.
2. You must be named Stephanie…. now you can have any variation of Stephanie that you like… with the “ph” with the singular “f” with the daring “ff”…. but Stephanie must be your name.
3. You must have a website, knit, and be named Stephanie to be a part of the Knitting Stephanie Webring.
4. You must like squirrels.
5. Click the “Join” link, fill it out, and copy and paste the Ring info on to your site. After that, you will be added.
*6. You can also be a friend of a Stephanie!

If these rules are agreeable you may join! I have decreed it!

By the by, I chose the Knitting Stephanies for its Flying Elvises like sound… its true!

ETA: We understand that not everyone can be a Stephanie… we know, we know… but rest easy for we have a place for you too you non-Stephanieites!

I recently added a section in my sidebar for Knitting Stephanies. Its a funny little experiment, but there you go. I had to change the post because frankly, as you perused the Knitting Steph links your eyes would keep being drawn to this phrase in my post “You have Huge Knockers”. So I had to put something here in its place.
I recently took this test and on a complete fluke I picked three results because frankly I dig the number three. I love that all my results fit! Ha!

I’m working on something big… just wait… you’ll see….

OH YEAH….

Happy Early Father’s Day Daddy!


I loveses you Daddy! <3

So today I made a trip to Southside and it was surely an adventure.

An adventure I say!

Firstly, said adventure began in the epic quest to find someone’s shoes. It doesn’t really matter which monkey’s shoes it is I quest for because they oh-so-politely switch up shoe losing duties amongst the three of them- you know… to keep things fresh.

Then after having completed the soul charring challenge of dressing and shoeing both monkeys (Oldest Monkey is with his mother) we preceded to move our expedition to the outdoors [insert scary music here]. It was at the bottom of the steps that I realized the folly in our plan…. our stroller was in the car. While this is not overall a bad thing, it is a bad thing when said car is with hubby at his place of employment in Canonsburg and I remain here…. in Pittsburgh…. strollerless. Knowing full well that all adventures have multitudes of obtacles I decided to continue on.

So we rode the bus down the hill…. for two reasons actually
1- I am insanely lazy and don’t like walking
2- On the way down I would be passing a playground and since I had a few errands I had to run of the utmost importance*, I really didn’t want to tease the kids with the promise of playgroundery and not deliver.

So I ran my errands, they were not exciting nor can I spin them into funny in the slightest so I’m skipping them.

From the completion of said errands I was shepherding the monkeys back to the bus stop. Now this… this is what has me writing this entry. As I walked down the street, carrying the smallest monkey on my shoulders and all the things we had to pick up (pack horse is right up there in the list of mommying duties) we passed by three young men. I’d say they were 14ish or so. I should go to bended knee and thank God that I happened upon the company of these young men, for without them and their thoughtfulness I would never have been aware that I have boobs.

In-deed.

They took it upon themselves in Boy Scoutish fashion to inform me that I do indeed have ‘Huge Knockers’ and if they do say so themselves ‘Big F’ing Tits’. Clearly until that moment I have never been aware that I, Stephieface, possesed mammaries of any type. All this time I had thought that my shirt was just bumpy, I never realized that I had boobs.

I do not recall when I was younger, being so forward to people who were clearly older than me. Then again I was a shy kind of person. Nevertheless, its precious times like these that I realize how old I am at a totally venerable 30 years of life. Sheesh.

To continue, we rode the bus back up the hill, at which the smallest Littlest Monkey feel into what I’d like to call the Toddler Coma, the peaceful slumber of a toddler when they go to sleep at the most inoppurtune of moments from which they cannot be awakened until you have carried them all the way home from the bus stop, stripped them of clothing, changed their diaper, and are perched mid way into placing their sleeping bodies into their cribs….. it will be that moment that wakes them. Meanwhile you are weary and exhausted from having carried 30+ lbs of dead weight up your steep hill, looking very much like Frakenstein in the old black and white movies when he lurches from the brush carrying that poor little girl.

All of this adventure for just a few little errands…. I think I’ll remain a homebody.

*I bought yarn on eBay and was taking personal money and putting it in the joint account to cover it. Curse you yarn addiction! Though it is a totally lovely tweed wool yarn from Russia…. curses anyway!

Saturday I participated in WWKIPD and I had alot of fun. As reported earlier, I was nervous about going but my mom came along with me so it wasn’t SOOOO scary. So we rode the incline and the trolley over to where it was supposed to take place. On the way we passed an impromptu mini putt putt setup in Point State Park (impromptu here meaning… its not usually here and will only be here for the TRAF). Now, we tried it out and I have to say it was some of the most difficult putt putting I’ve ever done.

Let me tell you, I don’t have a really good picture of the evilest hole there, but you can see it in the bottom picture to the right of the Tim Burton Octopus. You had to hit your ball up a skinny steep incline, over a bump, and into a wee hole so that it would careen down the pipes and pop out the back. I don’t think anyone yet has managed to defeat it as most people take the route I did which was:
Step 1: Make a few futile attempts to actually do the shot like you are supposed to, never accomplishing it and sending the golf ball hurtling in some unknown direction
Step 2: Look around discreetly to see if anyone is looking
Step 3: Pick up neon colored evil ball
Step 4: Take one final look and pop that ball in the hole at the top of the ramp when you are sure that no one is paying attention to you
Step 5: Continue hole as if you actually hit it up there and look unabashedly shocked when people in your party scream that you cheated.
Seriously, everyone who played that hole while I was there did that…. maybe its an experiement plyed by CCAC Psych students.

So after we played golf we ambled towards the bridge to cross under. It was probably here that my nervousness went nutty…. this is what I saw:
At first I had no idea where to go, I was looking for the red balloons. It took me a bit, but I found them:

So I wandered over and they called me to join them. I had “The Look” I guess, the shy, nervous, look around to see if anyone is watching look. But they were all very nice and not a one bit, so I lucked out:

And here was our lovely organizer:

I met alot of nice people who were funny to boot. Not pictured is Zeeppo and his wife Carol who were also there… and are amazingly 2 of the three people who’s names I remember (the third is Grace who arrived later). I learned of a few knitting groups that I could look into, which is nice since I thought there was only one that met out at the Waterworks.

I had a great time, mom actually picked up a crochet needle and crafted a bit, and as I dressed for hot sun I got cold wind… I will most definately be doing it next year.

Oh and if you were wondering what I was working on I started another Knit & Tonic Dream Swatch, this time in Knit Picks Andean Silk Twist in Poppy Fields. I’ve also started knitting a thing or two for the newest niece.

So really what the whole thing was about, was getting together:

Admire their goodness for all its worth during its brief appearence.

There will be a new post up and about soonishly… just have to wait until there is enough Non WoW playing on the PC to get it done.

*shakes fist* Damn you Blizzard!!! Damn you to hell!!

I’m slowly preparing and steeling myself up for the Pittsburgh WWKIPD. I can honestly say, with a little more honesty than I’d like, that I’m nervous about the whole thing. I’m nervous about meeting new people, I’m nervous about taking the public transit there (I check multiple times for correct fare in my pockets… I have mass transit OCD apparently), I’m nervous about the sunburn I may get in conjunction to the sunburn I already have, I’m nervous about if my knitting project will match my outfit, how much/less level of complication my WWKIPD project should be, etc.

I am, however, hoping that it will be a blast and I’ll get to meet new people who live in the ‘Burgh who knit. I know I hope to meet up with Amanda of Delicious Stitches who I already spoke with about it.

Heck I even prescouted the area where it is supposed to take place so I can see where best to sit and so I’ll know where to go tomorrow. Of course this was all guess work since the tell tale “red balloons” to look for were not in place……… But I got some chocolate covered strawberries anyway.

So, if you are in Pittsburgh or abouts, and you’re going to the Pittsburgh WWKIPD at the Point in Downtown….. I’ll be there. Look for me and say hi. I’ll be wearing a tan baseball cap with a ‘Steph‘ patch on it (I don’t have enough time to embroider a “Stephieface” one) and sitting on a dark blue picnic blanket I got for free at the GM tent just before you go under the bridge to the Point (hint, hint), most likely with a black purse with a blue and silver dragonfly pin on it. I may or may not have accessorized with 3 kids, a husband, and a visiting mother… who knows.

This will be me, when I see my big girl sisteren passing by in teeny made for smaller girls clothing… and since I will be downtown on a hot weekend day I will make this face often:

See you there!