Stephieface

Because I give my kid foreign currency and tell him its pirate treasure.

Its weird, MM (that stands for middle monkey) has a weird pirate fixation right now. He has pirate treasure, a pirate sword, a pirate treasure chest, and pirate cartoon movies to watch. If given the option between perfectly good Sesame Street and a cheap 50 cent Walmart clearance pirate cartoon…. take a guess which he’ll pick? I just tell myself that its a cartoon retelling of Treasure Island (which it actually is) and that he’ll be a future literary genus…. this is what I tell myself.

LM (Littlest Monkey) has entered into the biting phase of midget hood. This is my least liked phase of midget hood… followed by the hair pulling phase but only cause I have the longest hair in the house.

I’ve been trying out knitting lace and so far it pisses me off. Well, not pissed but I am walking in unfamiliar territory when it comes to Yarn Overs and am just starting to get used to it. The pattern I chose is fairly easy and only requires 6 pattern lines that you repeat, with 3 of those lines being “S1, purl across”. I hate purling but I love this row.
Why am I knitting lace you ask? Well you see the hot months are a coming and with the hot months also come the hot winds and the thunderstorms. What do Hot months, hot wind, and thunderstorms all have in common you ask? They ruin my hair is the answer. My hair will freakishly stand on end and krinkle….. KRINKLE… with these three evil hair hating thingies. So I’ve been making kerchiefs to wear. I don’t give a great god damn if the grunge look is done with and bohemian/gypsy was SOOOOOOO yesterday. What I know is that they tame my evil krinkled hair out of my face and regardless if I look like Willie Nelson I’m pretty happy with not having hair in my face. See proof below:

That is my hair long before it grew and needed a cut to which I went and got it cut where the hair stylist cut off 8 inches from the back and 9 from the front and my hair STILL goes below my shoulder blades and past my bra strap. That, my friends, is alot of hair. Alot of hair which KRINKLES.

I’m sorry, do you not know what krinkle hair is?

Krinkle hair is hair that will poof out and be frizzy but not fashionable frizzy but each hair follicle will bend in random 90* directions all along the follicle and not look nice and tame at all. Why do I keep it down at all? Because it will get worse if I never uncage it, and I long for hair like I had in highschool- minus the lame hairsprayed hair sculptured bangs we had back then. So kerchiefs it is!
Sure, I’ll be the only mom on the playground wearing one, sure I know it completes my urban hippy ensemble, sure I look like an escapee from Fiddler on the Roof….. but it will restrained with lace and how sexy is that?

Well…. not really but… well…. let me start at the beginning….

While perusing through books at the new Barnes and Nobles which has attached itself like a lamprey to my usual Mall of choice, South Hills Village, I came across a book I heard alot about on Craftster called “The World Of Knitted Toys”. So I skimmed through a couple of pages and as I did so of course the 3yo was skimming with me and went insane when we passed a picture of a knitted snake. So I took a peek at the pattern and saw that it really wasn’t that difficult a pattern so I set home to make one. What can I say? I like knitting and will use my kids’ toy fetish to do it. So I played with yarn. First off I didn’t like the head the book snake had, to be too honest it looked too phallic and I could only imagine all the times I would sit and snicker at it only to be guilted later about how I thought such a dirty thing about a child’s toy. Ahem… back to the story…. So I messed around with designs until I got a shape I liked… made two then sewed them together… picked up the stitches onto DPNs and went to town. The result:

(Mind you, the snake is not pink but red, and I have no idea why my camera hates the orange yarn) He would have been longer, but both kids started tugging on him before I even bound him off so I had to end earlier than I intended.

So after I knit a sheep and a chick for Easter, it was about then that I realized my grievous and terrible mistake…… I made TWO toys and I have THREE kids. Should I just sign them up for therapy now? This left the youngest monkey sans toy on Easter morning. So to make up for it I began making a doll using Jess Hutchinsons pattern. I took her free bunny pattern and left off the ears to make a doll. I intend to make clothes and costumes for it so the monkeys can dress it up however they want. I may make a second one so that the middle monkey and the youngest monkey can play together. After trying to find flesh colored yarn… and a free Sunday with nothing to do…. the results I got are below:

Mr Stephieface hates it and refers to it as the ‘Murder Doll’. He claims its evil and will eat souls while walking with a knife in stop motion down our stairs. The fact that I want to make another he uses as proof that the doll is evil as its trying to get me to make more of it so it can take over the world. I’m debating about adding hair or not, but already I’ve been hiding it in creepy places to surprise Mr Stephieface when he comes out of the shower or wakes up. The pattern was pretty easy to knit up, the only thing I would have added in it would be to designate what end of what you are knitting. The arms are legs are simple, but the head and body left me pondering about what way things go. Its possible I’m a retard and couldn’t figure this out, then again it could be an actual issue. A little more direction on how to embroider the face… or more specifically where… would have been nice….. as well as an ability to embroider eyes that are the same size would have been a wonderful skill to have.
In any case I think I’d use the pattern again… now on to making clothes… anyone have a pattern for a doll size knit jedi robe? Anyone? Bueller?

Yes yes…. I’m pretty sure you are tired of this… but let me let you in on a little secret……

I’m a quiz taker.

Yes! I admit it! I AM a quiz taker. I will spend hours taking quizzes that concern absoloutely nothing at all. What good will knowing what my flavor is do me? Will the breed of dog or Harry Potter character I score as be requested on my next job interview? Of course not. Yet… I cannot explain why I take the damn things…. they’re like pez… you know you put a whole new sleeve in the dispenser with all intents to savor each one yet managing to devour the whole package usually within 20 minutes of installing it…… which is to say “I don’t know why, I just do”. So here you go…. Quizzes from Quizfarm:

In the “Which Harry Potter Character Are You?” test I scored as Ginny Weasley

Ha! I knew it!
In the ‘Which Family Guy Character Are You?” test I scored Lois Griffin

Quizfarm also gives you choices as to what html you want for your site…. you’ll see if you go take a look. The original results are mad long… just take my word for it that the results are all true and very Me-ish.

Just recently my mother has discovered that I have this blog… well not so much as discovered as I told her so I could preen and brag about my knitting and creating prowress to the one person in the world who will ooh and awwwwwe and tell me how great it is because its her job. And as mother’s do (I know they do cause I do it myself) she told others about it to have a come looksee.

On one hand this is great because that means I’m not just writing for myself and Severina anymore…

On the other hand this means that relatives and people who have not seen me for years or ever are now reading this…

So some explaination may be in order.

First off, this blog is mainly to show off the things I make and create in an effort to garner more praise than my MMORPG playing husband usually provides. He’s no gusher, but yet I’m a sucker for a compliment. Also its a place where I rant about random things like my husband’s old job, or stupid people- this is so I can claim I rant in public without actually doing the crazy homeless Armageddon man standing on the corner with a cardboard sign that says the world will end thing. Know that I make fun of everything, including myself… hell I even posted one of the MOST unflattering pictures of me ever taken in an effort to lure out a couple of laughs. I’m cynical and sarcastic, and yet optimistic….. heh go figure. Hey! Its possible…. I know you’re out there right now saying “You CAN’T be cynical AND optimistic”. Of course you can… its realizing that there is a silver lining to the obvious badness and horrible luck that will inevitably befall you at any given moment… the silver lining of ‘It could be worse’. I also use this blog as an outlet for my squirrel fixation because frankly if you tell people you have a squirrel fixation they set you up for a cushy rubber room real quick.

Its a funny little thing being master and commander of my own little online voice, I can put whatever here whenever and its all up to me. (insert evil maniacal laugh here)

So to sum up, and I have to make this quick cause homeless Armageddon guy wants his soapbox back, as long as you realize that anything posted here is posted with humorous intentions or intentions to bore you silly so that I can snag your wallet when you aren’t looking… we’ll get along just fine.

Signed,
The Housewifing Craft Addict Who Ponders Throwing Water Balloons Out Her Kitchen Window

Well… Easter is over and I can rest easy. I have appeased the children with the candy offering which will secure me an abundent Spring. Will I suffer Knitter’s Withdrawl as I did when I knit for Christmas? Signs point to no as I have already begun a new project, but I’ll claim nothing.

After having knitted Carrick the Ram, and having to subsequently and continuously retrieve it from hubby who keeps stealing it, I had to knit for the other kids too. So, to garner some inspiration, the boys and I went to the Salvation Army Superstore in Century III. Can you believe it? The Salvation Army has Superstores now… if there is ever going to be a Goodwill Megalomart I’m done for. Aside from the fact that I scored two pairs of perfectly good practicly unused GAP jeans that look awesome on me for $3 a pair AND a pair of shoes that if I do say so myself look freaking awesome for $3.50 that were brand new….. ahem (score!)….. I once more scored with their sweater section. I don’t think I was able to actually go through the entirety of the sweater section, it was seriously that freaking big. However I did find a lovely pale golden yellow sweater that I thought would make an excellent chick. After checking the seams and tags I bought the sucker and brought it home for reconning. Here is the result:
This is what I got from it. It was a Saks 5th Avenue 80% Silk 20%Cotton Sweater. The largest ball you see in the photo is bigger than a softball and each of the smaller ones are almost as big as a softball (almost being bigger than a baseball but smaller than softball). Then, after cleaning up the mess that reconning always makes, I immediately got to knitting and created this:

This is Chuck. Sadly I do not have a pattern for Chuck, save to say that I basically knit what looked like an old bottle (a la ship in bottle type) and just shaped him after that then made the beak. Why Chuck? I had intended him as a chick, and when one of the boys saw me working on it he claimed it was a duck… so Chick + Duck = Chuck. Chuck is once again one of those things that my hubby steals away with to use as a mascot as he plays World of Warcraft. He claims that Chuck and Carrick (whom he calls “goat”) give him good PvP luck. Chuck’s eyes are just french knots in black yarn by the way…. no cool plastic eyes for me.

I also hackeyed the hackey sacks. Though I have discovered that I dislike muchly putting hackeys in things…. as I lost some stray hackeys. Here you go though:
I have already had one chucked at my head and it wasn’t at all painful… so I guess the project was a success.

Thank God the next holiday is Mother’s Day… I need a rest.

So, Easter is on its way and once more I must delve into the deep underworld known as “Easter Basket”. You know its frightening, admit it. In any case I must fill these baskets with humble offerings to appease my children in order to insure a peaceful Spring— that IS why I have to do this, right?

So after making the previously mentioned hackey sacks (that I must still fill with hackeys mind you as they are empty and hackey-less) I figured my kids still needed more that wasn’t candy. Sure you can call me a blasphemer all you want but I know what candy does to my kids and they’re still young enough to not notice anything that may potentially scar their psyches so I figure I’m good.

So I got to work. I decided that one will get a sheep (sure I know that lambs are more appropriate, but those lambs do grow up and this way I’m teaching my kids that they’ll get old… a la Logan’s Run Style). The other may get a sheep too, or a chicken… I’m not sure yet. I already started casting on for a second sheep for my nephew while I still have the construction deeply ingrained in my head. So I present to you…… Carrick The Sheep (or …errr….Ram…cause its a boy and all that).


Carrick is ironically made using acrylic yarn (muhahahaha… I AM evil) worsted weight. I have no idea what brands as I used just whatever I had in my stash. Red Heart probably for the Black and Grey… white was inherited yarn with no label. I rarely write patterns so this is really my first attempt at such.

And One For My Hubby (I’m seriously dying at all the refrences to gas, they know him so well):

There are days when I wish my blog here had a cute witty knitticism as a title, like “At My Sticks End” or “Knit Wit”. Yet there was a reason as to why I never did that, though admittedly the name I was going to choose could have worked I guess. While I love knitting, I just don’t only knit. Already this blog has seen more ranting than actual knitting content, and I have a few more than one or two hobbies- so in the end I had to pick something more universal. In hindsight I wish I had used “I Poke You With Sticks” though.

So, for Easter I have been knitting up hacky sack balls to include in the kiddies’ baskets, I just have to find the stuffed animal pellets to put inside. The pattern was really easy and worked on two needles in garter basically so for a beginner you could haul this out in no time and feel more accomplished than knitting garter scarves. You have to know increasing and decreasing, but if you have those down go here for some hackey fun.
There are days when knitting just won’t do it for me. As odd as it sounds yes, I don’t feel like knitting much. When those days or weeks happen I usually have other things to work on. This week has been “New Purse Week” which bled into ‘Embroidery Week”. While most women, its rumored, covet shoes- I covet purses and messenger bags. Forget clutches and those cute wee little purses that hang delicately from your wrist. I gave those up years ago when pregnant with the first monkey. My favorite purse has broken and frayed in places which means a new one was in order. Yet I could not bring myself to return to Burlington Coat Factory in all its glory and purchase a new bag when I have more than enough scraps at home from which to create one. So I got to work. After an hour of fiddling with my finicky sewing machine (who needs a cat when I have this mechanical wonder) I got it working and started sewing. Its basically like every other bag I’ve made in the last year…
Basic black duck cloth with a burgundy trigger lining. Not bad if I do say so myself. This time though I wanted to try a little something new so I added pockets to the interior so I could have places to catch my stuff….
So I added the pockets, here showcasing my wide array of diapers and pull ups I must carry with me continuously and my wallet, as well as a wee piece of paper I folded and shoved in there as per my whims and fancies. I also made sure the strap was adjustable- it drives me nuts when I can’t bend things to my will or at least make them lay right. The bag itself is pretty big, when I can rescue my measuring tape from the monkey (that would be the hubby monkey) I may take measurements. I can tell you that one of those mondo-ly huge 3 ring bingers would fit in here no problem, maybe two. As well attached to the purse is my standard key ring clip…

Because, well frankly, I hate doing the hurried mom frantic search the bottom of the ginormous bag for the wee keys thing. As you can also see I attached the gratuitous picture of my husband when he was in the Marines. Sigh, hotness…. ahem…. in any case…… the bag is awesome but plain. I debated what to do for it for awhile and decided what it needed was a patch or something in the middle front (I don’t dig closures on purses frankly because I never use them). So I began going through my crafting stash looking for something that might fit. This is how “New Purse Week” bled into ‘Embroidery Week”. I decided that whatever goes on there should be cool, but classy enough that I won’t be ashamed to have my purse on the chair next to me at church. I played with a few designs and went to work. Firstly I decided on a psuedo celtic knot (not really celtic you’ll see hence the psuedo… perhaps I should use the more appropriate faux) design which I went immediately into action embroidering. The color does not match exactly which will bug me and which is why, as of yet, it remains unattached to the bag.
Cute though…yes? But in my efforts to reorganize my embroidering stuff I decided to try another design and we’ll see how that goes as I’m still working on it. But as I was telling hubby for some reason I really like embriodering celtic knots and words.

Here are some past patches I have done. I rarely showcase old work… but here you go… I like showing off sometimes especially when the projects turns out so nice. Most of these are embroidered on muslin then ironed to stitchy witchery to make the patch. These are all before trimmed shots since my scanner gets really warm and hates SW with its hotness passion.

Not too bad again if I do say so myself.

In any case I’m working on a celtic intial to put on the purse in leu of the heart design. Yet yesterday as I worked hard to make sure that I ended up with a purse that I wanted… I got a lovely reminder as to why the world is so wonderful and beautiful. Frankly I hate where I live…. while Pittsburgh is fine my neighborhood is crap….. but its views like this that make me think its not so bad….. I present to you…..
The Ghetto Rainbow(s)

A double rainbow, snazzy no?